Sister Patsy at the Ladies’ Luncheon

Well Dear Ones, it was quite a weekend.  Brother Ed and I had some company over Friday night for dinner.  We had two couples over for a night of food, fun and fellowship, and we almost succeeded in all three of those areas.  Who knew that Scrabble could be so cutthroat?  For heaven’s sake, you could have closed your eyes and thought you were among the heathen the way these people carried on about points, triple score spaces, and whether or not certain theological terms used in the history of the church were actually words. 

For my part, I still think that canonnate is a word.  And if Sister Dowright hadn’t insisted on using Webster’s as the standard, I might have pulled it off.  It’s got to be out there on the web somewhere.  When I have the time, I’ll google it and let you know, Friends.

Sunday was quite a day as well.  We had our Ladies’ Luncheon after the morning service.  It was such a blessing.  Talk about your food, fun and fellowship.  This event had all three in good measure – pressed down and overflowing and all that. 

Just to let you know how good it was, I came home with a lovely prize.  Well, it was a can of soup, but still, Friends, I won.  And that’s no small accomplishment.  Turns out all those lessons on etiquette with my mother and grandmother paid off.  There was a question about the proper placement of the soup spoon in a table setting and before you could say, “Sip, don’t slurp!” my hand was up and waving like a foam finger at a football game.  Oh, I tried the whole delicate approach first, but some of those other ladies were very determined – just shouting out answers any which way.  Finally, I stood up on my chair and got the leader’s attention, and that was that.  Most of the ladies seemed happy for me.  I’m sure Sister Fairlywell will start speaking to me again soon.  After all, we have a meeting of the Form and Function Committee tomorrow. 

Anyway, back to the luncheon.  It was just wonderful.  Ladies from all the different groups and studies got up and shared what the Good Lord had been teaching them.  Such a blessing to all those listening.  In fact, Sister Patsy herself had a little part in that sharing.  I was asked to share on behalf of a Bible study I had taken in the Fall, and I was just delighted to do that. 

There was just a slight misunderstanding about the schedule though.  I might have nipped up to the dessert table at the wrong time.  Can you imagine my surprise when, in the middle of snagging a piece of chocolate cream pie, I notice an awkward wall of silence filling the fellowship hall?  Turns out I was second on the list, not fourth.  My goodness, that was embarrassing! 

But, never let it be said that Sister Patsy can’t rise above her circumstances.  I handed my chocolate pie to a dear friend, whispered that I’d be back, and headed off for the platform.  Friends, will you believe that the embarrassment did not stop there?  I was supposed to talk about the wonderful things I had learned in a recent Bible study about women being “keepers of their homes.”  (It’s a beautiful study, Friends, you should take it if you have the opportunity.)  Well, in my flustered state, I managed to change that phrase into a discussion of women “keeping it real in the home.”  I’m not even sure what that means!

Well, it was finally over and everyone was very sweet about the whole thing.  (Although Sister Fairlywell seemed to be smirking a little as she left.)  The luncheon was a huge success and a blessing.  At the end three lovely ladies led us in some worship songs.  My goodness, those girls can sing!  We just love hearing from them.  One of the other ladies on the Aesthetic Committee suggested that if they continue singing at church so often, maybe they would like a name for their group.  Her suggestion was ”The Grace Notes.”  The girls scurried out before we could get their decision on the name.  If they don’t like that one, we have lots of other suggestions. 

Well, that’s about it for Sister Patsy today.  I’m looking forward to the next Ladies’ Luncheon.  If I’m asked to speak again, I’ll pay better attention to the schedule so I’m not caught at the dessert table again.  Oh, and does anyone know what’s so funny about the phrase “keeping it real”?  I told my family about my little word mixup and they just think it’s hilarious.  I don’t see the humor in it . . . yet.

It’s Called Modulating, Friends.

Gracious Dear Ones, I’m stuffed.  Sadly, self-control was in short supply this afternoon at our local Pizza Hut.  Isn’t that stuffed-crust pizza just sinful? Anyway, we were having a  sort of last-minute send off for the college kids in our little group of friends and family.  It was wonderful; truly a blessing to see how those young people are growing and maturing.  Now, those same young people bounced right out of that restaurant and are busily packing, running errands and such, while their elders, which includes Sister Patsy and Brother Ed, are trying to figure out a way to squeeze in a nap before evening service. 

Now, Brother Ed has already cranked the recliner back to its optimum napping position and is snoring happily away, but I wanted to take a minute to set down my thoughts about something that occurred during this morning’s service. 

Before everyone starts worrying and getting all upset, this has nothing to do with the preacher.  He did just fine, Friends.  The sermon was great, and I could read all the notes on the insert in my bulletin – even the ones in small print.  No problems with the special music either.  Sister Sharpsenflat was in rare form.  I was so moved, I almost had to get out a tissue. 

No, the issue that came up before me today was a small one.  Some might say that if it’s truly a small issue, perhaps it could be overlooked.  My reply to that is this:  “There is no issue too small for a Pettyminder.”  At least when it comes to church.  I’m on the Ladies’ Aesthetic Committee, for heaven’s sake.  We spent a good 45 minutes debating the merits of quilted versus regular two-ply for the restrooms.  That should explain a lot.  (About my attention to detail, I mean.)

Anyway, this morning what happened was a key change, in the middle of the song service, in the middle of a song.  Now this has happened before, and I’m sure it will happen again.  Our worship leader and praise team are familiar with all the new trends and styles in worship music and they do an excellent job of leading us.  So I decided to ask them what the correct term is for that key change in the middle of a song.  Are you ready? 

It’s called modulating, Friends.  And, I am sorry to say that not everyone does it.  At least not in our service this morning.  Now without even knowing the correct term for what was happening, I knew I was supposed to take my voice up a notch.  The worship leader and praise team were all up there on the platform, just modulating their hearts out – leading the way.  I knew, as a good member of the congregation, it was my job to follow them.  

That’s when I noticed it; a distinct lack of modulation coming from the members of the congregation around me.  Not only that, but I believe a few people (whom I will treat with grace by not naming) were not even singing the same song.  This was a serious, serious problem; maybe even something to bring up with the preacher, or at least with the Deacon assigned to my Care Group.  I have his number on speed dial.  Oh wait, Brother Ed just woke up.  I’m sure he’ll appreciate the gravity of this situation.  Hang on just a minute while I get his two cents.

All right, I’m back, Friends.  I’ve decided to wait on addressing the issue of non-modulation in church.  Brother Ed shared with me that not being able to follow the pitch in a song is most likely not a sin.  He even went so far as to share that from time to time, Sister Patsy herself has been known to butcher a key change – or, worse, initiate one on her own where a key change was not called for.  Goodness!  I’m going to go practice my singing before evening service.  Scratch that.  I think I’ll have a cup of tea and let Brother Ed sing to me.  He never messes up a key change, and you know what?  That’s what I call modulating, Friends.

Sister Patsy’s New Year

Greetings Dear Ones.  Goodness, this year is barely started and already things are just hopping.  Now Brother Ed and I aren’t much for making resolutions (we prefer the term “goals” – Brother Ed was impacted by an inspirational poster at work one day and that was that), but we have set up some things to work toward during this wonderful new year.

Some of those goals involve making some changes to improve our health.  Now Friends, this is going to be a little tough for Sister Patsy because, I have to admit, I like my carbs and my sweets and I’m not too fond of exercise.  Brother Ed likes to joke that I think “sweat” is a four-letter word.  That’s just not true, Dear Ones.  I tell him that “sweat” has five letters, which makes it a whole world of worse than any garden-variety, four-letter word.  Anyway, that’s a little chuckle for all the other reluctant movers and shakers out there. 

In addition to eating healthier and exercising, I’m also going to be working on some more writing projects.  One of those projects is a look at Proverbs 31, specifically the Proverbs 31 Woman.  I’m working on ideas for a fresh approach right now.  Here’s what I have so far:  Proverbs 31  – Yes, It’s Really Part of the Bible; Proverbs 31 isn’t just for Superwoman; or, Proverbs 31 – Saint, Supergal, or Psychopath?  What do you think?  I know, I need to work on these a little more, especially that last one.

Well, that’s all for now.  I have to run to a meeting.  Actually this group is something new also.  We’ve formed a Ladies’ Aesthetic Committee at church.  It’s purpose is to make sure the church is pleasant to be in – color coordinated, soothing, inspirational and all that.    There’s a whole different committee to deal with function.  (I’m on that one too.)  I hope we can keep this week’s meeting under three hours.  Last week’s dragged on forever.  Of course, we were dealing with a hot topic:  restrooms.  This week should be better.  We’re tackling bulletin inserts – buff or cream.  Until later, blessings to you all!

Sister Patsy

Sister Patsy’s On the Web

Yes, Dear Ones, it’s finally happened.  Sister Patricia S. Pettyminder is on the web.  The younger Pettyminders helped me get set up here, but it’s up to me to provide the wisdom, or “pearls” if you will, that make this blog meaningful.  That is no small job.  Even for me, a seasoned veteran of the Sunday School front lines, committee chairperson, and Women’s Ministry leader extraordinaire.  Not that I’m bragging, understand, just outlining the breadth of the responsibility here.

So, I’ve decided to start off with some excerpts from some of my completed projects.  This will give me time to get my thoughts together and get comfortable with this whole blogging on the web idea.  With that in mind, I humbly offer a few excerpts from my little booklet, Pearls for the Preacher.  Enjoy.

The Meet and Greet Line After Church

Everyone wants to shake hands with the preacher after church.  This is a wonderful thing.  The only advice I have is to keep it moving.  Some of us have things in the crockpot right now getting soggy and unpleasant.  And don’t get me started on the line at Ryan’s once church lets out.  Wait too long and you can go straight to evening service from your lunch.  Nobody wants that. 

 

More  About the Meet-and-Greet

Don’t let yourself get drawn into answering obscure theological questions, or pressed into offering immediate intercessory prayer for a member’s extended family.  A quick handshake and “God bless” is all that’s required here. 

 

Remember this, a moving congregation is a happy congregation.  Halt that movement and you better have some loaves and fishes handy.

 

During flu season, a little bottle of hand-sanitizer is a must for after the meet-and-greet.  Though spreading the gospel is commanded – spreading the flu is not! ~Sister Patsy

 

Potluck Dinners

Potluck dinners and fellowship suppers bring out the best cooks in the congregation, but not necessarily the best manners.  I’d aim for the halfway point in the serving line.  There’s less elbowing in that position and a better chance of snagging some chocolate cake once you get to the table.

 

Someone Brings a Meal

Never sniff a gift dish. 

Wait until the giver walks away.

 

Brother Franklin always said that baptism made a huge impact on his life.  Of course, he’s saying that much less now that he can get around without the crutches. ~Sister Patsy

 

Baptism Etiquette

It’s not a good idea to hold a person underwater during a baptism just to make sure it really “takes.”

 

Outdoor Baptisms

Though this may seem obvious, outdoor baptisms are spring and summer events ONLY.  (Unless you feel a need to practice your hospital visiting skills.)

 

Sermon Structure

Fee free to try something new in the pulpit.  New suit.  New tie.  Try out a joke, or quote an obscure Christian author. 

 

We will follow you just about anywhere as long as you don’t mess with the sermon structure. 

 

Three points and a poem.  That’s what we like.  It’s in the Bible somewhere . . . Hezekiah, or Habakkuk maybe?

 

Now Preacher, it may have looked like I was sleeping last Sunday, but that was not the case.  Your sermon was so moving that I felt led to meditate right then and there, and I meditate best with my eyes closed. 

~Sister Patsy

 

VBS

Vacation Bible School is an excellent way to reach children in the community with the love of Jesus.  Many church members, adults and children, enjoy this program too.  Just make sure there are enough helpers and, for heaven’s sake, if there are animals involved – hold it outside!

 

Pastor Appreciation

Nobody would quarrel with the idea that preachers have a tough job and are often underpaid and underappreciated.  That said, it’s still a good idea to let your congregation show their appreciation for you in their own way.  A little gentle prodding from the elders and deacons would not be amiss, but be patient.  Having the praise team hum “Hail to the Chief” as you walk toward the pulpit might not generate the response you want.

 

Music

Just a word about music, Preacher.  I know this is a touchy subject, so I’ll stay away from all those controversial topics like hymns vs. choruses; pianos vs. guitars; and the question of whether drums are of the devil or not.  Praising the Lord in song is a beautiful thing.  But if you have a voice that frightens children and attracts crows, you might want to hire a good Worship Leader and mouth your praises during services.

 

I appreciated Brother Sherman’s special music last week.  He has a beautiful voice, and He Touched Me is one of my favorite songs.  Could someone please share with him that the church might not be ready for Christian performance art involving a Darth Vader costume?  ~Sister Patsy